Dilemma: Lose Temper Or Keep Quiet?
One day after the great Mother-In-Law debacle. I am, by turns, both calm and seething about the situation.
Calmness
Why should this matter? Most of the people who now know about the pregnancy are distant relatives, and we don’t have regular contact with them. If Mrs Levee’s mother is so thoughtless, she will pay eventually.
I’ve been trying to incorporate some of the lessons from the Buddhism articles I’ve been reading recently. Particularly with regard to karma; my mother-in-law’s actions have caused us to even further distrust her, and we have already distanced ourselves to emphasize the point.
This pregnancy, although unexpected, has had a really positive effect on our little family unit. The adults have stopped taking work and commitments so seriously and as a result, we’re less stressed and actually more productive than ever. The kids are a joy, both brightening up our days with their little quirks and their love. This latest event has just pushed us all closer together.
Seething Anger
Still, my natural reactions will resurface every so often. I want a confrontation. I want to get this out of my system. Why should I bite my tongue when she didn’t bite hers? I want her to know how upset Mrs Levee was about this.
Maybe There’s A Better Way
Two realities:
- Nothing positive can ever be achieved by shouting. You make yourself look unbalanced and destroy the basis of your argument by being over-emotional.
- Keeping quiet is no longer an option. I’ve done it for too long. Perhaps I’m an invisible party - mother-in-law thinks my opinion doesn’t count because I’ve never been allowed to be straight with her.
I need to say something, not shout it. Perhaps the better approach is to question, rather than accuse.
- Why did you feel you could breach our confidence?
- Did you give any thought to how it would affect Mrs Levee?
- What effect do you think this is going to have for your relationship with us?
- How do you think we feel, knowing that you’re using our situation to gain sympathy for yourself?
- If you’re worried about us, how do you intend to help us?
Actually, in terms of outcomes, ideally she will think about her actions, and we will gain some insight into her motives (trying to get sympathy by proxy is to be pitied).
Ultimately, if she’s worried about us, we could use a little help one afternoon a week cleaning the house up. Maybe she’ll agree to that!
