April, 2005

Wow, a new Pope. . .

Let’s get things straight - I’m a former Catholic (accident of birth, I’m afraid). These days I have precious little interest in the church, and it’s been this way for the last. . .hmmmmm. . . twelve years.

On the other hand, I was surprised at the widespread media interest when John Paul II passed away. Now, despite my beliefs, I developed a profound respect for John Paul II during these days. He was obviously a man of peace and led by example by taking an inclusive stance on people of other religeons. But this is about papal elections, not John Paul II.

I was over in Bracknell today for a meeting, and found myself in the departure lounge in Heathrow for the return flight at about 5:00pm this evening. The BBC news was on, live from Vatican City. Initially, I gave it a cursory glance while I looked in my bag for something to occupy the next half-hour. What actually drew me to the news was the focus on the small chimney above the Sistine Chapel, and a bit of babble about the colour of the smoke.

Now, this was legendary stuff! I was to young to remember the election of John Paul II on 1978, but I heard all about it from my mother. Betcha the TV coverage wasn’t as good then, though!

It slowly dawned on me how interested I’d become. Then, as I looked around, I discovered the most of the departure lounge was enraptured too. We were all watching history unfold. Whatever my own convictions, I could feel the excitement of the crowd in St Peter’s Square, and I felt happy for them. The Roman Catholic church has an estimated following of 1 BILLION people: it’s deadly important that they can unite behind a strong figurehead. Hopefully Benedict XVI will follow in the large footsteps of his predecessor.

Tuesday, April 19th, 2005 // Spirituality & Stuff

We have a house guest tonight! One of Ray’s friends is having a sleepover in our house. His mother is a friend of ours who Mrs Levee sees fairly regularly at mother and toddler groups and so on.

Why is this important? Well, I complained a few days ago about the lack of support we receive from our extended family. We’re not alone.

Mrs Levee’s friend is more then 30 weeks pregnant, and has recently run into complications with the pregnancy which could be dangerous for her and the baby if she doesn’t get proper rest. And with two young kids, you know that’s not easy. There’s a very real chance she might become hospitalized, if only for her own safety. You would think that in her situation, family would be rallying round to help out.

You’d be wrong.

In particular, she’s having difficulties getting her in-laws to help out. Many of her own relatives are only willing to take one of the kids at a time, but this doesn’t offer much opportunity for relaxation.

So Mrs Levee and I offered to take the eldest boy (who’s in Ray’s class) overnight and keep him until tomorrow to give her a rest - one of her sisters is looking after the youngest. Not that this is much sacrifice: he’s a pleasant little guy, keeps our two in good company and tidies up after himself.

The point here is practicing what you preach. If we’re going to complain about people not supporting us, then we’ve got to turn things around by offering to help others out where we can. It’s not really much effort, but makes an amazing difference to people’s lives.

Saturday, April 9th, 2005 // Family Life, Spirituality & Stuff

In Buddhism, the tale of the Buddha Siddhattha Gotama, explains that he was born into royalty and spent much of his early life living in luxury. Realising that his lifestyle was superficial, he went out into the world and became a monk. He spent several years following a harsh lifestyle, starving himself almost to the point of death and living a very deprived existence. After some time, he realised that the two excesses luxury and proverty were not viable. The Buddha did not experience true enlightenment until he defined a middle way: by being starved, he was too weak to live; by being pampered, his mind was dulled.

But what does this have to do with the political situation in Northern Ireland, you ask?

Well, if we accept that Northern Ireland is divided by two ideological extremes (Nationalism versus Unionism), let’s simplify the ’situation’ as I see it:

1. The population are overwhelmingly governed or led by a small number of polarised political parties. While many of our politicians rave about their electoral mandate, it’s my belief that they control public opinion through very strong use of propaganda: graffitti, wall murals, media appearances.
2. The same political ‘personalities’ have presided in Northern Ireland throughout the majority of the troubles. These people have carved careers out of conflict - do you seriously believe they have any interest in lasting peace?
3. You cannot marry two deeply divided ideologies. This was blatantly obvious during the most recent power-sharing: issues which should have been about governing Northern Ireland were wrapped up in political point-scoring for Nationalism or Unionism.
4. The general acceptance that our politicians are ‘in bed’ with terror groups casts a permanent shadow over Northern Ireland.

My ultimate point is that after almost 40 years of conflict and unrest, the partisan model hasn’t proved successful. The politicians we entrust our futures to are media animals now, craving attention in an endless array of peace process ‘crises’ and ‘breakdowns’. They’re bloated on power and really, just how effective have they been?

Who do we have to thank for the looming water charges in Northern Ireland that threaten to cripple our household economies? The British Government? Get real. The British Government/Northern Ireland Office (NIO) were only able to bring on water charges because the local policitans dropped the ball. That’s right, while they were busy arguing Nationalist/Unionist, Stormont gets suspended and the NIO are in charge. Let’s face it, if they were playing real politics, this wouldn’t have happened. Thanks guys!

Back to Buddha and the middle way. I propose that it’s time we got real. Divisive politics don’t work. Nationalism and Unionism won’t be cosying up in bed anytime soon. I propose we just accept what we’ve got: a Northern Ireland where dual nationality is available to every citizen, and where we all know where we stand. Devolution works. The Scots and the Welsh are getting on with business, so why can’t we?

I’d love the voting public in Northern Ireland to wipe the slate clean. Give two fingers to the politicians who’ve been prolonging this conflict. We just need a party to rise up with the right ethos. The problem is, how can a middle ground Northern Ireland Party gain media exposure without a private army in tow?

An all-Northern Ireland Party would say one thing very clearly: we’re all in this together, so let’s forget about the past and get on with business!

Tuesday, April 5th, 2005 // Northern Ireland: Politics

Since we started a family back in 2001, we’ve come to understand a lot about our own families.

When we had just one child, Ray, babysitters abounded and we were able to get out as a couple every once in a while. My family are too far away to do any real babysitting, but Mrs Levee’s sisters and mother would have babysat overnight. Since the birth of Jay in August 2003, the well has dried up. Two children are just too much for people to mind, and I guess this is a reality that we will have to accept whenever our third child comes along this year.

Not everyone has it this hard. Mrs Levee has a friend called Karen from a mother and toddler group who had twins back in 2001. Twins! Yet every Saturday night, without fail, Karen’s mother will take the twins overnight (plus a load of washing to do) while she and her husband either relax at home or head out for the night. This grandmother deserves a serious round of applause, because she has undoubtedly helped keep her daughter sane during these early years!

On the other hand, Mrs Levee and I hear a lot of rhetoric (exclusively from her family) about how lucky we are to have such supportive relatives. I often wonder how they can say that with a straight face! It’s laughable in a way. These people don’t do a damn thing to help us or muck in. But they expect our help. We babysit Mrs Levee’s 9-year-old brother regularly, and when Mrs Levee is in Belfast, she drives her mother about.

We’re both physical and mental wrecks. Mrs Levee and I were chatting in bed last night when she mentioned being so tired that she sometimes considers piling the car into a tree. Ditto. Sometimes I feel the same way. . .

In a dramatic(!) turn of events, we have been invited out for the night by a friend who has recently gotten engaged. Mrs Levee phoned her mother the other night to see if she could mind the kids overnight. “I might be going to the caravan for the weekend. If I decide not to go, then I can do it. Why don’t you try your sisters?”

You can almost taste the enthusiasm. More later.

Monday, April 4th, 2005 // Family Life

Finally, the composter looks like it’s going to work. Over the last while we weren’t sure if it would start to decompose kitchen waste and leaves that we’d put in it, but in the last couple of weeks I’ve noticed the contents are starting to turn brown.

I’ve turned the compost a couple of times now (not an unpleasant experience). The advice I’ve read is that this mixes the newer material with the older stuff and starts to decompose it more quickly. Also, we have a thriving population of slugs living on the sides of the composter - I assume that these are just feasting on the contents and are helping the process along.

The compost is changing, too. I’d say at the moment it’s a little too wet. Apparently this can be countered by adding some shredded up newspaper, so I might enlist the kids to help me with this during the week.

I’ve also noticed that, as the contents decompose, the level in the composting bin reduces. I’d say at current rate, we could probably work with kitchen scraps from a couple of other families. Our bin is sitting at less than a third full. We might try and get some of the in-laws roped into saving potato peels and mouldy fruit to add to this.

Sunday, April 3rd, 2005 // General

Well, we’re at about the halfway mark in the pregnancy right now (and it’s really starting to drag)! Mrs Levee, for the last couple of weeks, has been having strange dreams and also talking a bit in her sleep.

The first dream involved me having an affair with her sister - albeit we were only kissing! Apparently, this coupled with some ‘relationship problems’ that we were having in her dream led to us breaking up. However, I moved to a flat close by so that I could spend time with the kids. The thing that freaked her out was the detail and the logic in the dream - we split our possessions: I got my guitars and the best computer while she remained in the house with just about everything else. I took it as a bit of a warning that I’d better not get too friendly with her sister . . .

Next up she paired the same sister off with a friend of ours who has just had a baby. In this dream, sister-in-law was pregnant and talking out the merits of having the delivery locally or closer to where the dad lived! Bizarre.

Last night was my favourite. In this dream, our baby is born, but Mrs Levee’s mother secretly whisks the baby away to baptise it. She even names the child: Hummus.

I wonder when the content of these is going to hit rock bottom. More importantly, if I’m going to have an affair that wrecks my marriage, surely I’m going to get more action than a kiss?

Sunday, April 3rd, 2005 // Family Life

I’m in a babbling mood tonight. Just thought I’d mention that Mrs Levee’s pregnancy sickness is passing, and she’s starting to take on what is a very cliched ‘healthy glow’.

On the down side, she’s developing a difficult condition with her pelvis as the pregnancy progresses. The reason for this is that she breastfed Jay for over a year and got pregnant about a month after stopping breastfeeding.

The problem is, in order to give birth, your pelvic bones start to soften in the run through the pregnancy. This is perfectly natural and is brought on by hormones in the woman’s body to help with the delivery. Mothers who breastfeed maintain a level of these hormones as long as they continue to feed the child this way. As I understand it, it also holds off menstruation during breastfeeding and acts as a kind of (unreliable) contraception.

Anyway, with the bones in this softened state, carrying a growing baby puts increased pressure on the pelvis and this can cause pain. Mrs Levee had this with Jay’s pregnancy for the same reason and now it’s back. In a worst case scenario, the expectant mother can be confined to a wheelchair or hospitalised.

We’ll be watching this in the coming months. Bear in mind, this is my layman’s view of the condition - it may not be totally accurate, so check out the details with your doctor.

Friday, April 1st, 2005 // Family Life

Just a thought. What if we could put all of the daily crap behind us and rise above it?

Imagine: No worrying about what people are thinking or saying about you. No obsessing about career, or salary or the bills that threaten to topple our bank accounts! No qualms about death or illness.

Where is this Utopia, and how do I sign up? Well, I’m increasingly starting to believe that Utopia exists only in the head, solely in each person’s mental state. I know this sounds crazy, but follow my thinking for a minute:

Confusion of the mind
A woman I work with asked for a pay rise recently. Her reasoning was that she had worked extremely hard in managing her department and covering for staff who were off, frequently using her personal time to keep the department up to date.

She heard through the grapevine (read Office Manager) that there had been no change to salary information this month, when it would have been due. Regardless of the fact that she hadn’t heard this directly from her superior (to whom she had made the request), she’s gone off steaming about what she’s going to do to get even! “I’m going to cut down my hours. Who cares if the work falls behind? They’ll just see how much they need me!”

I get the latest on this neurotic saga every morning. It’s amazing how people can blow a situation completely out of proportion without even querying the matter!

Peace And Harmony: Bring It On!
Regular readers will know that I’ve been reading into Buddhism recently. A major part of this is trying to put life in perspective, and I’ve been looking at the Buddhist methods of meditation as a means of looking more closely at what is important (or what should be).

Buddhists, for instance, believe that there are four main precepts in life: you are born, you grow old, you get sick, you die. The main aim (I think) is to be happy in your life, show love toward others and try not to cause harm. Your salary is irrelevant. Your job title is useless. How big is your house? How classy is the area where you live? Can I interest you in an expensive car, the latest mobile phone or any other mod cons?

Back to my colleague: what’s going on with this woman? Why the resentment? Why is she spending day and night formulating attack strategies she will never use? She’s not struggling for money, earns a good wage and her husband owns a successful business. A raise for this woman is not important - she’s craving something else.

Can I tell you something? On one day, while being relaged with the latest salary battle strategy, I suggested that a rise might not be important. Perhaps she should concentrate on reducing her hours and spending more time at home with her husband. “After all, ” I said, “after you’re gone, who’s going to care that you worked 12 hour days and gave everything to the firm?”

She stopped for a moment. I thought she was going to hit me.

The best bit is, this woman is more than twice my age - I thought this type of realisation was supposed to become clearer as you got older! It seems you’re never too old to blunder on regardless. . .

Friday, April 1st, 2005 // Spirituality & Stuff