Family Life

Have you ever seen the Fire Service posters where a child has scrawled “You forgot to check the smoke alarm batteries Daddy?” on a charred wall? What a horrible thought - that as the house was burning down around him, your child was vindictive enough to be heaping blame on you instead of bothering to escape!

Anyway, this leads me to an incident that happened a couple of weeks ago at my in-laws house. As they slept that night, someone set fire to a shed at the back of their house. The fire caught on quickly and spread to the house, filling it with smoke.

Their neighbours noticed the fire and started kicking the front door to alert them, but they didn’t wake up. It was only when the (badly placed) smoke alarms went off that they woke up and scarpered. The Fire Brigade later theorised that they may have already been affected by the smoke fumes - explaining how difficult it was to wake them up.

The Firemen also explained that the fire had almost reached the cavity layer and had it gone that far, the whole house would have been engulfed by flames. Apparently a few minutes later and they wouldn’t have stood a chance. Five minutes from being a headline - 5 people dead, 4 adults and an infant.

Now before you ask, I have an alibi! I was tucked up safely in bed far from the scene of the crime!

A few days after the incident, we were talking about it and it suddenly occurred to me what the unforeseen consequences might have been if the worst had happened. Being among the most immediate family members, we would have been expected to:

• Make funeral arrangements. My first thought was “how the hell would we afford 5 funerals?”
• Mrs L’s 11 year old brother was luckily out of the house on that night. Had the worst happened, we’d have become his full-time carers. There are a couple of immediate thoughts:
  • Is our house big enough? We look after him enough to be able to adjust to living with him, but do we have enough room to share our house permanently?
  • How would we work in commitments to keep up his relationship with his grandparents and other relatives? Particularly on his Father’s side, they’re not people we know very well.
• Other issues like do the in-laws have a will, how to handle their property and stuff like that. We’ve been lucky enough not to have too many deaths in the family and none close enough that we’ve become involved in the arrangements. Who helps out with this sort of thing?

Moving on, the bizarro part of the story is that, two days later the mother-in-law was bitching and moaning about the inconvenience of having to put in a new kitchen and having her house professionally cleaned! Everything is a problem to the mother-in-law, and having escaped with her life and her house more or less intact, she automatically went looking for problems.

Anyway, I’d never thought too hard about how something that happened to extended family would affect us. But obviously there are consequences. Another is that now I’m glad the mother-in-law doesn’t offer to babysit our kids too much, because what if they’d been in the house that night too?

Thursday, January 25th, 2007 // Family Life

I’m sure you guys are getting sick of the vasectomy posting at the moment, but it’s probably the biggest thing going on in my life right now.

Well, today was mostly a lot of sitting around the ward waiting for my turn. The staff at the hospital were extremely friendly and sensitive. Having said that, the first thing the consultant told me when we met was “Now, this procedure is easily reversible.” I took pains to explain that I wouldn’t be here if I wanted to reverse the process, but he seemed to feel this was vital information anyway.

In the mid-morning, I was wheeled into the theatre and positioned underneath the big light in the middle of the room. I noticed the radio playing I Don’t Feel Like Dancing in the background, but it wasn’t until later that the irony of the Scissor Sisters playing while I got ‘the snip’ hit me.

Being a squeamish sort, I decided to go for general anaesthetic, but I was harbouring heroic visions of resisting sleep. Ha! I was out like a light in seconds! Half-an-hour later I woke up with a stinging, warm sensation in my groin, and was wheeled back to the ward for rest and a bite to eat.

Now, in the wee small hours, I’m still a bit woozy from the anaesthetic, but otherwise fine. Not so much pain at the moment, although I’ve heard day 2 can be more painful!

Anyway, after 18 months of waiting, that’s it done. No regrets, but then I have to submit two samples in February and March to verify that the vasectomy worked. Can’t wait.

Has anyone else gone through a vasectomy? I’d love to hear your experiences.

Saturday, November 11th, 2006 // Family Life

Well lads and lassies, as of this Friday, my baby-making equipment will be put absolutely and verifiably beyond use.

Sinn Fein are calling my act of decommissioning an historic event in Irish history, while the DUP are typically cynical of the move and want to watch every last ounce (ewww) be deposited in a concrete bunker. Pervs.

Anyway, I got a call to tell me that there’s been a cancellation, asking if I wanted to come in for the vasectomy on Friday. “Absolutely” said I, with glee.

People I speak to about the vasectomy usually wince and act like it’s something to be afraid of, but personally I’m looking forward to it! Until now, the equation went:

Unprotected Sex = Good times + Chance of babies

In a few short months, unprotected sex will only mean “Good Times”. Well, hopefully…

The only bizarre concern that I have is if it’ll alter me in any way. I’d hate to get the operation and find that my libido takes a nose-dive! Other than that, bring it on. A weekend of pain for a lifetime of shagging without Johnny Rubbers!

Wednesday, November 8th, 2006 // Family Life

When this blog started way back in 2004, one of the reasons was that we’d (me and the missus) discovered that we were expecting another baby. Our third, and a complete surprise, as we’d been very careful not to invoke a third child.

Needless to say, we’re almost two years down the line and baby’s on his feet already, yet the vasectomy I’d requested has still not been done.

My last post about getting a vasectomy was well over a year ago, at which point I was considering paying for the necessary surgery. Well, we just couldn’t afford that, so we were extra extra careful.

Anyway, I went to my doctor about a month ago to try and move this ridiculously slow process on. Shortly afterward I got an appointment to see the consultant. That appointment was today.

Firstly, if you’re married or in a relationship, you can’t have one of these appointments without your wife or partner in attendance. Apparently they might want more babies, so they have to give their blessing to the vasectomy party procedure. Let me tell you, Mrs Levee was only too happy to agree!

Secondly, the appointment is unexpectedly short. The consultant went over the details of the vasectomy with me, even into the idiot-proof details like “the object of this is to render you permanently sterile”. Well, yipee! Sign me up!

Luckily, they seemed to recognise that the appointment had taken forever and told us that the procedure would be done within the next six weeks. After that, you’re advised to keep wearing the rubber johnnies until they’ve tested for the presence of sperm. They do that at three months and agains at four. If you get a clean report, your nappy changing days are over. Hooray!

The only question remaining: local or general anaesthetic? Take your pick.

Thursday, October 19th, 2006 // Family Life

It all started with The Matrix although I didn’t know it then…

Back in 1999, I had just started in my current job, and was hungrily pursuing a corporate lifestyle: introducing new technology, writing management reports, answering calls for support. In my private life, I was following the six-step Social Expectations programme : graduate, get job, buy house, get married, have children, work until retirement or death.

In 2001, something happened which has been gnawing at my soul ever since. Our daughter was born the month after 9/11.

It’s hard to explain the effect this had, but I ended up questioning the world we had brought our child into. Essentially, I didn’t want my child to have the same predictable life mapped out for her, to become a societal drone. Can you imagine bringing a child into this world, full of potential, a blank canvas, and then painting the same dull grey life that everyone else lives?

And after a few years of corporate life, the soullessness of this existence has left me feeling empty and unfulfilled. I sit in on office meetings and breathe in the hot air of self-important middle-managers, marvelling at the pure absense of passion in their lives.

In the last couple of years, I’ve become aware of a growing movement of people who are starting to challenge the accepted route through life. The most powerful statement I’ve heard asserts that if we’re all individuals, then it is not possible for a 9-5 lifestyle to suit everybody. You know, trail yourself out of bed, go through the motions, work for 8 hours or more, go home have dinner and watch Emmerdale, blah, blah, blah….

The Tailspin

The end result of this questioning has me in a complete tailspin recently. But at the center of it all, there’s one question to ask: am I happy?

Fundamentally, no. I’m in a dull, unfulfilling job working for employers that couldn’t care less if I lived or died (I have my suspicious about their preference though!). I had a few job interviews recently, and as I walked out of the latest one, I knew that moving jobs would only be moving the problem. Too many companies are like bureaucratic in a negative way these days.

And so I’m at a very interesting point in life which is both terrifying, but exhilerating. I feel a tiny bit insane with a combination of opportunities and fears. I want to spend my life doing something worthwhile, that I enjoy and that means something to other people. I don’t think I was cut out to be a drone!

Where Does The Matrix Fit In?

The central premise of The Matrix is that there are two worlds: one is the complex social model that we have been taught and indoctrinated with and through which we filter all our life experiences, and the other is how things really are. So, in their heads, people are running around living normal lives, but the reality is that they are all drones powering a giant machine.

Society can convince you that just about anything is acceptable: the clamour for more and greater riches, buying a Land Rover when you could get by with a Ford Fiesta, two parents working full-time while someone else raises their children.

The reality is that more and more people are chasing fantasies instead of cutting back the crap in their lives and enjoying the simple things. What hurts is that most people are still unfulfilled and unhappy. Even more so, because they’re in debt to the eyeballs, but that’s a discussion for another day.

Here’s something to end on a bright note.

Wednesday, June 28th, 2006 // Family Life

Based on a true story….

So, there I was in my car, driving down a winding country road. It was a perfect summer’s afternoon, the sun was beating down, the traffic was fairly light apart from the odd truck driver or Ulsterbus. There were a couple of good tunes on the Radio and I was roaring along to them at the top of my voice when….

Ring ring….ring ring….

I cursed the mobile phone as it taunted me from inside my bag. On a whim I decided to fish it out, one hand on the steering wheel and the other fumbling with the zip on my backpack next to me in the passenger seat.

Ring ring….ring ring….

The steering became erratic as I struggled with the zip, but I finally got it opened and pulled the phone out of its hiding place. But just as I was about to answer the phone, the car veered and I dropped the phone on the floor between my legs.

The ringing stopped.

One I got the car straightened out and regained my composure, I decided to retrieve the phone from the floor of the car, so I blindly groped for it and found it again. Curious to see who was calling, I checked the call register and discovered that it was Mrs L calling.

“Must be important”, I thought, and rang her back. The conversation went like this:

Mrs L: Hello?
Me: You just phoned me…What’s up?
Mrs L: We got a letter in from the car insurance people this morning. There’s been some screw up with the payments and your car’s not insured.
Me: So, you phoned me – when you knew I’d be driving – to tell me that?
Mrs L: Well, I thought you’d want to know……
Me: *click*

The conversation when I got home was a bit more heated, I can tell you. Needless to say, the mobile now goes unanswered when I’m driving!

Monday, June 26th, 2006 // Family Life

I know it’s been quiet on The Levee Breaks recently. Still having a tough time at work, with no end in sight. Paranoia is running high eclipsed only by my stress levels.

I’m such a ball of negative energy at the moment.

I had a job interview on Friday last week, and did a fantastic interview with a panel of four (very professionally run, BTW). Needless to say, the weekend was spent dreaming of a job offer and how I might write my resignation letter without lacing it with anthrax…

Ah, but t’was not to be folks. I got a letter on Tuesday to say that I had been unsuccessful in my application, but (some consolation) I was first reserve for the post. All I need to do now is find out who got the job and reverse over him/her with my jalopy……

The sooner I get my arse out of that job the better. It’s really fucking up my chi…

Wednesday, April 12th, 2006 // Family Life

I meant to write about Chris Jackson’s The Abundance Site some time ago, but this has been languishing in my drafts folder, so I thought I’d share it here.

Unhappy People Living Unhappy Lives

Mrs Levee and I know (more than our fair share of) miserable people. People who feel they are downtrodden, that the world is against them in every conceivable way. People who simply don’t enjoy life. Nothing ever goes right for them, people talk behind their backs, they’re always ill with something or other. They’re incapable of caring about anything other than their own problems, such is their self-involvement.

I find one of the common characteristics of these depressing, misguided creatures is the sheer chaos that defines their mental processes. So disorganised are their thoughts that they can only concentrate on the problem, rather than considering solutions. And so they seek solace in spilling out their problems to everyone they meet, accepting short-term sympathy instead of seeking a positive fix.

Been There, Got Over It!

I’m not disparaging these people, I know what I’m talking about! I went through a period a few years ago where I was terribly dissatisfied with my life and what I’d achieved. This led to a lot of moaning and grumbling, and I was a complete bear to live with during that time (*sorry Mrs L!).

In recent years, I’ve learned that there’s a lot wrong with modern society, and that the values and pressures of modern life are just not healthy. In realising that, I’ve spent more time seeking what is important in life. Take this quote from The Abundance Site:

A friend of mine once said of his business partner, ?He?s given up his life in the single-minded pursuit of wealth. And now, wealth is all he has. So he obsesses about losing it. Since he never had a life, he has no idea of what to do with his money, even if he had time to enjoy it, which he doesn?t because he?s so accustomed to the treadmill he can?t even imagine getting off. Of course, the beautiful thing about the pursuit of money is that you?ve never got enough. So he keeps on chasing it, simply because he has no idea of what else to do with his life.? Barry Maher

The Abundance Site

The Abundance Site offers some simple, inspirational pearls of wisdom. Sometimes, when you’re blinkered by the trials and tribulations of everyday life, a visit to Chris’ site makes you stop for a minute and reprioritise.

The beauty of The Abundance Site is that it isn’t pushing a way of life on you, but - for me - provides a gentle reminder that the relentless cycle of modern life isn’t necessary and to slow down from time to time and enjoy life.

Update

It’s funny how easy it is to forget these to take a step back. I originally wrote this piece back in October last year, but couldn’t find a slot to post it.

In that time - as regular readers know - I hit difficulties with my job and fell into every one of the symptoms I described above! I believe that I’m overcoming those negative tendencies now, I’ll just have to re-read this post every now and again!

I’ve since discovered Jangly Ganglia, a site by Andrea Schwandt-Arbogast where she aims to post one positive experience per day to remind herself that good things happen every day! It’s a great site, and I’m looking forward to see what Andrea will build there.

I hope this post helps any of you who are in a bit of a funk right now!

Wednesday, March 8th, 2006 // Family Life, Spirituality & Stuff

Here’s a conversation I didn’t think I’d be having with my four-year-old daughter. At least not within the next two decades.

We were sitting in the kitchen this evening and Ray sauntered down from her room with a box of toy jewellry. “Mum, can you help me put on my necklaces?” she enquires in sugary tones. “No problem, pet,” comes the reply and soon both are busily covering the girl in plastic jewellry from top to toe.

After they’re finished, Ray swans around the kitchen playing the princess. We all tell her how pretty she looks and then she breaks the big news. She’s getting married! To a boy in her nursery class. The whole thing’s arranged it seems and nothing can stop the “big day”:

Me: “Ray, after you get married, you’ll be Brian’s wife. You’ll have to move into his house and live with him and his family….”

I trail off, waiting for the inevitable cries of protest. The smile on Ray’s face freezes for the briefest moment. Then she turns away and reaches for her plastic hairbrush.

“Alright, but only after I brush my hair….”

Saturday, February 18th, 2006 // Family Life

Mrs Levee knows I hate Valentine’s Day. What good is a day spent professing your undying love, spelt out in sickly cliches of chocolate and roses, when the other 364 days are spent barely tolerating each other.

No, Valentine’s Day is a load of crap, and anyone who pours money into insincere shows of affection should be dropped immediately by their significant other. If you’re not making the effort every day, then your paltry box of chocolates is nothing more than a tasty, hi-calorie insult.

I started thinking about Valentine’s Day about a month ago and decided not to honor the day. I thought, do I love my wife? Yes. Do I show her enough? Not nearly enough. Instead of a crappy card, I decided my gift this year would be to try harder and to always have at the front of my mind the reasons why we’re together. So, for Mrs Levee, and the rest of you:

• We’re a team. Not always the best team, especially when we’re tired, but we try hard. And that’s the main thing.
• She looks after me when I’m not well. After that recent episode with my back, I was amazed at how much she did for me, I could only watch her in awe.
• She ‘gets’ my jokes. In fact, the other night, she appluaded my impression of the wheelchair guy in Little Britain by choking on her tea and spraying it out her nose…
• Given the point above, she’s obviously a touch of class!
• She cares about people. Even when I think they don’t deserve it, she invests time in people.
• I can’t imagine spending my life with another person. Yeah, okay, there’s my Jennifer Aniston fixation, but I think she knows there’s no chance of that happening!
• Besides, who else in the world would dance around the kitchen to Van Halen with me?

So, despite my assurances that Valentine’s Day would not be observed Chez Levee, I’d like to (very publicly) wish my wife a happy Valentine’s Day! I hope you have a lovely day, sweetheart!

I love you.

Tuesday, February 14th, 2006 // Family Life