Family Life

Don’t panic! This is not a post about religion. I haven’t seen the light. I won’t be standing at the seafront this weekend with sombre-faced pensioners preaching at bemused passers-by.

I’m having a really strange time recently. Surreal. Bizarre.

While my work life is going steadily down the plughole, family life is improving in so many ways. Life in the Levee household really is pretty magical at the moment!

Heaven At Home

Ray - our eldest daughter - is becoming quite the social butterfly. She’s out visiting friends, being visited by friends, going to her little dance class, off to mother and toddler group and everything else. She’s got a more active social calendar than we do, the tinker! But whatever else she’s doing, she still has time for her old dad and we’ll sometimes sit on the kitchen sofa for one of our ‘wee chats’, or she’ll ask me to make up a story for her. The favourite at the moment is Ray’s Magical Flying Bike that takes her all over Northern Ireland.

Jay - our two-year-old boy - is coming along at a different pace, but no less affectionate than his sister. He’s taking advantage of his sister being out of the house by getting some quality time with his mum and dad.

It’s funny what a bit of special attention can do for a child. In the last few weeks (especially while I was off work), Jay’s come on in leaps and bounds. He’s chatting away with us, asking all sorts of questions. He’s helping around the house (never one of Ray’s fortes) and going for walks with us.

Little Dan - our youngest - is really starting to respond to us and loves nothing more than cuddles, tickles and the odd sing-song. In fact, last week, I was walking out of the kitchen when I looked back for a moment and saw my family sat around the table. Dan on Mrs Levee’s knee with Ray cooing and tickling him and Jay running around with a plastic guitar throwing ‘rock star’ poses. I think that’s a memory that’ll stay with me for a long time…

It seems Mrs L and I are always sharing a smile over some little thing the children have said or done recently. Yep, family life’s great at the moment.

Hell At Work

Isn’t it bizarre, then, that work’s such a pain? Since that sequence of events a few weeks ago that led to me doing the work of two people, I’ve been more and more stressed.

It hasn’t yet dawned on my illustrious employer that there’s no way in hell I can manage the workload alone. I’ve complained to my line manager about it, but it’s falling on deaf ears. Quality of work is falling. Projects small and large are lining up and my Helpdesk is filling up with support calls that I have less and less time to answer. Oh, and did I mention that there’s been no offer of a pay increase in light of this virtual doubling of work?

Moreover, my co-managers are bitching about this like crazy. Speculating about every tidbit that comes down from above. Talking about it all the time. But I’m tired of it, sick of mulling it all over and wondering why. And really sick of the conspiracy theories. Yawwwwnnnn…..

Oh, the CV’s out there folks. Dusted off, updated with the latest high-flying achievements and coming soon to an employment agency near you.

You should never stay in a job you hate. And I’m starting to hate this one with a passion. More importantly, you should never stay with an employer you hate. It’s not a one-way street. If your employer isn’t up to scratch, find a better one. I hope to be interviewing potential employers in the (very) near future!

All this could get me very depressed, but thanks to our little family, I can see the real priority for me right now. And it’s keeping me sane.

Wednesday, February 8th, 2006 // Family Life

Phew! The last week has been excruciating, folks. I woke up last Tuesday and couldn’t stand up. Had to crawl around for a while until I loosened up enough to stand and get dressed.

Assuming that I’d feel better after walking around for a while, I drove to work. No better. In fact, I was reduced to shuffling my feet in order to move. Blah blah blah. Took me until midday to realise that I was in bad shape, so I went home and lay down for the rest of the day. Saw the doctor the following afternoon and he ordered me to lie down for a week. Grrrrreat!

So, I’m back on my feet for the moment. Feel like I’ve been asleep forever - the tablets they had me on knocked me out quite a bit. Shit, I haven’t checked Bloglines in over a week, there’s probably millions of blog posts to read ignore. Tell me - anything interesting happen this week?

Thursday, February 2nd, 2006 // Family Life

The last few days have been a traumatic time for Mr Levee. You may have noticed his absense in blog land. The story is that he managed to throw his back out on Tuesday morning and has been unable to move without excruciating pain ever since.

To make it worse the doctor has warned him to steer clear of computers for at least a week as sitting at the pc will aggravate his condition. Now I know he has had the odd sneaky peek at emails and the like, but by and large he had to find other things to fill his time for the last few days.
You might imagine he would watch and bit of telly or catch up on his reading, but no Mr Levee has spent the last two days flat on his back installing Linux on an old laptop in a bid to gain internet access once more.

The good news is that he has been ordered to take at least a week off work, which if you read his recent post on his current employment situation you will realise is no bad thing!

Friday, January 27th, 2006 // Family Life

Baby D is coming along nicely since his arrival in August. He’s gone through many little phases to get where he is today and now there’s a smiley, giggling wee man living among us.

Except at naptimes.

When the normally amiable fella starts getting tired, he gets cranky. It’s a short jump from cranky to Banshee, let me tell you, and an unpleasant one at that. And being the caring parents we are, we try to soothe him to sleep, rocking him, singing to him, handstands, cartwheels, comedy routines. Tried them all.

On the odd occassion, when Mrs L was busy with the kids, she’d leave the baby on the sofa for a minute, but when she came back she found he’d gone to sleep on his own. So we tried a little experiment. Whenever baby was getting tired we swaddled him, wrapping him up tightly in a blanket with his arms by his sides and setting him down. It’s amazing how quickly he’s got used to this and how easily he now goes to sleep.

It’s certainly better than presevering with soothing him and getting more agitated the angrier he gets, which was terrible and left both of us emotionally shattered. The one thing to be careful of, though is keeping baby on his back. There’s a danger if he’s on his side that he might roll over onto his face.

Saturday, January 21st, 2006 // Family Life

Walking out of work this evening was like being released from prison for a few hours. Today was a hellish day in a fortnight of hellish days.

Here’s the craic: I work as a manager in Belfast. For the past 5-6 years, I’ve had a full-time assistant helping me run IT in a fairly large, often demanding office. My most recent prodigy handed in his notice just before Christmas - a bad time for seeking out replacement staff.

Regardless of the bad timing, we set out to recruit a replacement pretty sharpish. The market was piss-poor and full of graduate CVs with career shopping lists. “Oh, yes, I’m currently studying for my MCSE, CCNA, Cisco, PhD” Of course, they’re hoping you’ll bankroll the expensive training part of this before they move on to pastures new. Sceptical, Levee? You bet.

Things Get Bad

So, my car is in for servicing on Monday a couple of weeks ago. I decide (as a big important manager) to work from home on this day - after all, I have remote access. So, I arrange for my assistant to come in a bit earlier to cover my hours.

To cut a long story short, my superior went bonkers about not being notified in advance. Bizarre. I’ve done this before and it’s never been a problem. In fact, I can work better without interruptions. But on this day I receive one very nasty email.

So nasty, in fact, that I almost flamed back. But Mrs L pinned me down and sedated me before I had a chance to speak my mind. I don’t know what those injections were, but they worked….

On the Friday, I met with said superior and talked this issue out. Mentioned how offended I’d been. Not just about that, but about a number of things including a salary raise request that was blatantly ignored by the firm last year. Left the meeting and felt relieved that I’d gotten my grievances off my chest. And the boss seemed to acknowledge most of my points and seemed determined to address a number of the issues I raised.

Things Get Worse. Much Worse

The weekend passed, and I trotted into work on Monday morning looking forward to meeting a potential candidate for the assistant’s job. We had the meeting, were impressed with the person we saw, little birds twittered on the office windowsills, and all seemed well. Until after lunchtime.

My boss came into my office to see me straight after lunch with a bombshell - we’ve decided not to hire a replacement, says she. As if this wasn’t going to turn my working life upside down! Do the work of two people? WTF? Think of all the money we’ll save - that’s a substantial saving to the company. Oh yeah? Will I be getting my cut in luncheon vouchers, while my hair is falling out with stress?

The more this sank in, the more traumatised I became, the more questions this raised. I stewed over it all night. So did Mrs L. A revelation like this raises so much uncertainty, not just at work, but for the family life too.

I didn’t realise just how much this was affecting me until I got up the next morning. My jaw was killing me. I knew straight away that I’d been grinding my teeth in my sleep. The good wife confirmed this later on with a phone call. Every morning since, I’ve woken up with a throbbing jaw any pro-boxer would be proud of.

What Next?

Well, as you can see, the stress of this job has been having a wearing effect on me for the last few years. I feel like I’ve aged prematurely! Seriously though, the stress of this situation has actually hit me quite hard and I’m (even now) flittering between bouts of uncontrollable rage at this decision and helplessness and just plain upset.

Anyway, folks, there’s no sense complaining. When you’re stuck in this sort of mire, there’s only one way out, and that’s to move on. I’m not going to stay and fight - there are better opportunities out there and given that the New Year has just begun, maybe it’s time for a good ol’ fresh start. We’ll see.

For now, though, it’s back to the prison tomorrow. Good thing the JobFinder’s out on Fridays! If you’ve made it this far, thanks for listening!

Friday, January 20th, 2006 // Family Life

Consider this post an open letter to the customers of the Sainsbury’s restaurant at Forestside in Belfast on Saturday.

The family had just popped in for a quick bite while we decided what to do for the rest of the day. We were all in mostly good spirits and ready for a good feed, but it was perilously past Jay’s nap-time and he hadn’t slept in the car.

The Rage

As we ushered the kids into Forestside, Jay took a hissy fit because we were guiding him past a guy in a rabbit costume. He wanted to stop. We wanted food. So, as the adults in the group, we overruled him and started to move forward. That’s when the tantrum began in earnest.

He threw himself on the ground, did the kicking and screaming thing, so I let him be for a moment. Knowing that he’s usually fairly agreeable and expecting him to calm down quite quickly. After a minute or so, I picked him up and we moved toward the restaurant, Jay still grumbling and shouting. We manage to place our order and head off to sit down.

No. Jay didn’t want to sit down, he didn’t want to sit in the pram, and he didn’t want to be carried. And he didn’t want to do any of this in THE LOUDEST VOICE POSSIBLE! I tried restraining him, making him sit on a seat, but he got much worse.

The Outrage

Can I tell you something, though? Worse than the nastiness of this tantrum was the sense of utter embarrassment, the unashamed hostility of our fellow diners. Evil glances from old women, cast in our direction, but not brave enough to make eye contact or offer sympathy. Nope, no kindly looks or friendly nods today.

As I wrestled Jay back to the car to calm down, I was still raging at the biddies and - bizarrely - other families who were visibly irritated by our presence.

Are we the only family to have ever suffered an embarrassing public tantrum? When I see folk struggling with their kids in shopping centres, I feel their pain. I know their kid doesn’t want to be dragged around the shops, and nor does the parent. But shopping is a necessity, and children need to learn that sometimes we have to do boring stuff.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that the next time you see a parent dealing with a tantrum, try and empathise. Chances are you’ve been there before or you’ll be there one day. Then either mind your own business or give them a sympathetic smile.

Friday, January 13th, 2006 // Family Life

It seems our two year old Jay is a bit obsessed with the disappearance of all the Christmas decorations over the past few days. So much so that he has even concocted his own wee story about the cause of it all.

It would seem that Christmas time is over because the police men came and put Santa in jail. I have no idea why it happened or what Santa did to deserve such punishment but I am just amazed at what can come from the imagination of a toddler.

Ray (our 4 year old) upon hearing Jay’s version of events then decided that Santa had subsequently escaped only to be recaptured and taken to the dump by the same law enforcement officers.

I have no idea what grudges my children bear towards Santa Claus, maybe their gifts just weren’t up to scratch this year. But if anyone is wondering where Santa has gone and why he is no longer found in every shopping centre you venture into, now you know. I hope we have put your mind at ease!

Thursday, January 5th, 2006 // Family Life

I’ve been feeling a little bit under the weather lately, folks. Been forced to use up my holiday leave before the end of the year, so I took a lot of time off work this last couple of weeks.

The problem is, this messes up my routine completely. I instantly got sick, and haven’t been feeling on top of things ever since. Being sick with kids is terrible - no exaggeration. Before the kids, I could take the day off and relax, watch a DVD and recover. These days the family steamroller doesn’t stop for sickness, which is depressing because it seems to last forever.

Both the missus and I are at such a low ebb at the moment, and nothing seems to perk us up. We’re permanently tired, it seems and at the moment quite irritable with the children. You know you’re making a mess of it when the kids start getting irritable back at you. Ray, in particular, has been letting us know how frustrated she is with us. It’s hard to admit, but she’s learning that from us.

You’re Not Alone

I found some solidarity this afternoon at The Reign Of Ellen. In particular, she’s tapped into some of the feelings of inadequacy we as parents get from time to time. The fallout from this is apathy (Ellen says laziness), negativity, insecurity and irritability.

I am lazy. Actually I don’t think that’s totally true. I feel like I am busy from morning til night, piddling around on projects and such. That’s not lazy. I’m never sitting around eating bon-bons. However, when it comes to the non-fun stuff (ironing, cooking, cleaning), I lose all my energy. I walk in to the kitchen to make dinner, and my mind goes fuzzy. It just seems like too much effort to think about it. So I don’t. We go get nasty fast food.

This is the Levee household circa December 2005. If I sit down for a moment I will fall asleep. Narcolepsy rules when I’m stressed….

I don’t want to paint a negative picture for people, but this is the sometime reality of parenting. It’s burnout, pure and simple. Some people handle it better than others. It takes me a while to recognise when I’m floundering and actually do something about it. Left to fester, however, this kind of fatigue can develop into really bad parenting habits, and that ain’t good!

Lifting The Spirits

Sometimes the children provide a moment of clarity. I’ll get a spontaneous hug, or maybe a sudden “Love you, Daddy” and the priorities come into sharp focus. Family comes first.

Sometimes you have to sit back and recognise that you’re burning the candle at both ends and you need to slow things down. Get some sleep. Get organised. Eat better - that junk food cycle is a real killer!

Monday, December 19th, 2005 // Family Life

Bongiovi! Almost a week since I posted here and no-one’s missed me yet? Did anyone call Missing Persons? Ah well….

The Levee crew (as we don’t call ourselves) went for a wee jaunt to Rome last Sunday for a few days. We couldn’t find a decent pizza joint locally, so we decided to shop a bit further afield!

Great trip. We took an EasyJet to some out of town airport and used public transport to get to the place where we were staying. Great opportunity to see the real, present-day Rome, and I can recommend that Metro system! There was an old woman, standing alongside the rest of us. She obviously had a bit of a chip on her shoulder as she muttered Italian expletives under her breath. Anyway, at one point, she decided to move elsewhere and stumbled over Baby D’s pram. She erupted into rapid-fire nonsense, then a lady nearby started arguing with her (presumably in our defense). This altercation drew the attention of the rest of the train, who watched with smirks on their faces until the woman eventually left the train.

No Speaka Da Lingua

Whoops. It seems that when we were packing we forgot to bring any knowledge of the Italian language. Big bloody mistake. Imagine two groups of people steadfastly refusing to communicate with each other in the same language (and I’m not talking about Sinn Fein/DUP here).

We’re assuming that most Italians speak a bit of English. Most Italians assume that we’ve secreting a phrasebook somewhere.

So, much of the journey was spent pointing at menus and gesturing wildly at foreigners locals in order to get our points across. If you’re considering a trip, bring a phrasebook.

The Center Of Christendom

It was a truly breathtaking to wander in the shade of the columns that encircle St Peter’s Square and gaze toward the majestic Basilica. Such a large place that the Piazza almost seemed empty despite the thick queues that were thronging to get inside to pray and just experience the atmosphere of the place.

I have to admit, I was completely unprepared. I must’ve seen this place on TV during the election of Pope Benedict, but the magnificence of St Peter’s Basilica blew me away. Remember that I am experiencing this place as an atheist (formerly a Catholic). The significance of the place is not lost on me, but I also carry a wariness of organised religion too.

So, looking upon the basilica I found myself adoring the artwork and the amazing intricate detail that has obviously been invested in the place, the devotion and faith that must have existed to create St Peter’s in the first instance. But I couldn’t escape the feeling that I was visiting the HQ for some kind of evil multi-national organisation. Like I say, I’m wary of anything that encourages blind faith, and we’ve all read The Da Vinci Code, haven’t we? Were the tenets of Catholicism devised by men with hidden agendas? Are they divorced from the teachings of Jesus? Do we know the real story, or just what was deemed acceptable for us?

Anyway, don’t let the religious rant distract you. St Peter’s was amazing, perhaps one of the highlights of Rome for me. Religious art, even to an athiest, can be inspiring. If religion can move people to create beautiful works of art and to carry out acts of kindness and good, then it’s not all bad, is it?

Poste Vaticani

Before we left St Peter’s completely, I had one act of evil to carry out: I was going to send my mother a postcard from Pope Benedict. In fact, the idea was so good that Mrs Levee decided her mother deserved one too! The postcard went something like this:

Dear Granny Levee, Pope Ratzenburger here…I’ve heard about your recent troubles and just wanted to let you know that you’re in my prayers….anyway I hope things get better for you soon. Love, Pope Ratzy!

Of course, we’re standing in the Vatican Post Office filling these in, sniggering like schoolkids and I blurt out “Ha ha! Pope Ratzy!” I look to my right and standing beside me, busily writing on an envelope is a priest. Feel like a prick! But we sent the postcards anyway!

Bizarrely, the mother-in-law got hers, but so far my parents haven’t got theirs (divine intervention?). What’ll make the ruse all the better is that my mother didn’t even know we were away, so she’ll not twig. Hope she gets it soon!

Tuesday, December 13th, 2005 // Family Life

It seems like everywhere we go these days Santa appears. So much so that even our 4 year old has started to get suspicious. When asked by her granny the other day whether she had been to see Santa yet, she replied that she had seen santa, but not “the real one”.

Its hard to explain to her why all the Santas look different, why some are friendly and some not and how its possible for Santa to be in every shop and centre that we visit!

Wannabe Santas should definitely have a dress code to adhere to. There should be no skinny Santas, no Santas with really crap and obviously fake beards and no Santas with DM boots. Most of all they really should be jolly.

We came across a rather dour specimen in Junction One on Saturday who wouldn’t even look at the kids as he walked past, never mind return their excited waves.

In an effort to explain the phenomena I have tried the old Santa is magic spiel which hasn’t worked. Next I will try to explain the imposters as Santas elves, just lending a helping hand. If anyone has any better ideas or suggestions I’d love to hear them, as with three young children this is a trick we are going to have to master very quickly!

Tuesday, November 29th, 2005 // Family Life