Are You An EasyJet Speedy Boarding Tosser?
Picture the scene: we’re sitting in the departure lounge at Gatwick airport this afternoon waiting for the EasyJet flight back to Aldergrove. Over the tannoy the flight was announced, and before parents travelling with children or people with special needs, purchasers of EasyJet Speedy Boarding were called.
And a small handful of self-important looking business people shuffled to the desk.
I couldn’t help but glare at them. It’s not normally my nature, but how self-involved are these people, who need to sit their fat arses down on a plane before the rest of us? Or do they purchase this to qualify the fact that they’re flying low-cost?
Anyway, the other boarding groups were called and Mrs L and I discovered that we were two of the three people in boarding group “C”. So, we dutifully dandered down the stairs out to the….airport bus, where all the other passengers were waiting. Including those speedy-boarding twats who paid an extra fiver to sit on a bus.
Ha ha ha!
Needless to say, we all ended up arriving at the plane at the same time. Not only that, the speedy board suckers sort of ended up at the back because the later passengers like us were already at the doors. So we got on the plane first more or less!
What a stunning way for EasyJet to screw extra money out of customers who need to think they’re better than everyone else.
My Advice To Speedy Boarding Customers
Don’t be such an arsehole. Buying speedy boarding makes you look like a dick and sends out a clear message to your fellow passengers about you! You’re not that important that you need to sit on a plane ten minutes before everyone else.
Are you the same kind of person who stampedes out of your seat when the plane lands, only to stand bent double while they roll the stairs up to the plane?
Just remember: Levee’s watching you…. 
