Marriage

This story gave me a laugh when I came across it this morning. In what was basically a very bitter divorce, a man chainsawed the couple’s summer home in half after their divorce settlement.

Well, the judge did say he was entitled to half…..

Just the mental picture of this German dude making off with half a shack on a forklift is cracker:

“The man said he was just taking his due,” said a police spokesman. “But I don’t think his wife was too pleased.”

After finishing the job, the man picked up his half with the forklift truck and drove to his brother’s house where he has since been staying.

Saturday, March 10th, 2007 // News & Media

Here’s a conversation I didn’t think I’d be having with my four-year-old daughter. At least not within the next two decades.

We were sitting in the kitchen this evening and Ray sauntered down from her room with a box of toy jewellry. “Mum, can you help me put on my necklaces?” she enquires in sugary tones. “No problem, pet,” comes the reply and soon both are busily covering the girl in plastic jewellry from top to toe.

After they’re finished, Ray swans around the kitchen playing the princess. We all tell her how pretty she looks and then she breaks the big news. She’s getting married! To a boy in her nursery class. The whole thing’s arranged it seems and nothing can stop the “big day”:

Me: “Ray, after you get married, you’ll be Brian’s wife. You’ll have to move into his house and live with him and his family….”

I trail off, waiting for the inevitable cries of protest. The smile on Ray’s face freezes for the briefest moment. Then she turns away and reaches for her plastic hairbrush.

“Alright, but only after I brush my hair….”

Saturday, February 18th, 2006 // Family Life

Mrs Levee knows I hate Valentine’s Day. What good is a day spent professing your undying love, spelt out in sickly cliches of chocolate and roses, when the other 364 days are spent barely tolerating each other.

No, Valentine’s Day is a load of crap, and anyone who pours money into insincere shows of affection should be dropped immediately by their significant other. If you’re not making the effort every day, then your paltry box of chocolates is nothing more than a tasty, hi-calorie insult.

I started thinking about Valentine’s Day about a month ago and decided not to honor the day. I thought, do I love my wife? Yes. Do I show her enough? Not nearly enough. Instead of a crappy card, I decided my gift this year would be to try harder and to always have at the front of my mind the reasons why we’re together. So, for Mrs Levee, and the rest of you:

• We’re a team. Not always the best team, especially when we’re tired, but we try hard. And that’s the main thing.
• She looks after me when I’m not well. After that recent episode with my back, I was amazed at how much she did for me, I could only watch her in awe.
• She ‘gets’ my jokes. In fact, the other night, she appluaded my impression of the wheelchair guy in Little Britain by choking on her tea and spraying it out her nose…
• Given the point above, she’s obviously a touch of class!
• She cares about people. Even when I think they don’t deserve it, she invests time in people.
• I can’t imagine spending my life with another person. Yeah, okay, there’s my Jennifer Aniston fixation, but I think she knows there’s no chance of that happening!
• Besides, who else in the world would dance around the kitchen to Van Halen with me?

So, despite my assurances that Valentine’s Day would not be observed Chez Levee, I’d like to (very publicly) wish my wife a happy Valentine’s Day! I hope you have a lovely day, sweetheart!

I love you.

Tuesday, February 14th, 2006 // Family Life