Parenting

Don’t panic! This is not a post about religion. I haven’t seen the light. I won’t be standing at the seafront this weekend with sombre-faced pensioners preaching at bemused passers-by.

I’m having a really strange time recently. Surreal. Bizarre.

While my work life is going steadily down the plughole, family life is improving in so many ways. Life in the Levee household really is pretty magical at the moment!

Heaven At Home

Ray - our eldest daughter - is becoming quite the social butterfly. She’s out visiting friends, being visited by friends, going to her little dance class, off to mother and toddler group and everything else. She’s got a more active social calendar than we do, the tinker! But whatever else she’s doing, she still has time for her old dad and we’ll sometimes sit on the kitchen sofa for one of our ‘wee chats’, or she’ll ask me to make up a story for her. The favourite at the moment is Ray’s Magical Flying Bike that takes her all over Northern Ireland.

Jay - our two-year-old boy - is coming along at a different pace, but no less affectionate than his sister. He’s taking advantage of his sister being out of the house by getting some quality time with his mum and dad.

It’s funny what a bit of special attention can do for a child. In the last few weeks (especially while I was off work), Jay’s come on in leaps and bounds. He’s chatting away with us, asking all sorts of questions. He’s helping around the house (never one of Ray’s fortes) and going for walks with us.

Little Dan - our youngest - is really starting to respond to us and loves nothing more than cuddles, tickles and the odd sing-song. In fact, last week, I was walking out of the kitchen when I looked back for a moment and saw my family sat around the table. Dan on Mrs Levee’s knee with Ray cooing and tickling him and Jay running around with a plastic guitar throwing ‘rock star’ poses. I think that’s a memory that’ll stay with me for a long time…

It seems Mrs L and I are always sharing a smile over some little thing the children have said or done recently. Yep, family life’s great at the moment.

Hell At Work

Isn’t it bizarre, then, that work’s such a pain? Since that sequence of events a few weeks ago that led to me doing the work of two people, I’ve been more and more stressed.

It hasn’t yet dawned on my illustrious employer that there’s no way in hell I can manage the workload alone. I’ve complained to my line manager about it, but it’s falling on deaf ears. Quality of work is falling. Projects small and large are lining up and my Helpdesk is filling up with support calls that I have less and less time to answer. Oh, and did I mention that there’s been no offer of a pay increase in light of this virtual doubling of work?

Moreover, my co-managers are bitching about this like crazy. Speculating about every tidbit that comes down from above. Talking about it all the time. But I’m tired of it, sick of mulling it all over and wondering why. And really sick of the conspiracy theories. Yawwwwnnnn…..

Oh, the CV’s out there folks. Dusted off, updated with the latest high-flying achievements and coming soon to an employment agency near you.

You should never stay in a job you hate. And I’m starting to hate this one with a passion. More importantly, you should never stay with an employer you hate. It’s not a one-way street. If your employer isn’t up to scratch, find a better one. I hope to be interviewing potential employers in the (very) near future!

All this could get me very depressed, but thanks to our little family, I can see the real priority for me right now. And it’s keeping me sane.

Wednesday, February 8th, 2006 // Family Life

Baby D is coming along nicely since his arrival in August. He’s gone through many little phases to get where he is today and now there’s a smiley, giggling wee man living among us.

Except at naptimes.

When the normally amiable fella starts getting tired, he gets cranky. It’s a short jump from cranky to Banshee, let me tell you, and an unpleasant one at that. And being the caring parents we are, we try to soothe him to sleep, rocking him, singing to him, handstands, cartwheels, comedy routines. Tried them all.

On the odd occassion, when Mrs L was busy with the kids, she’d leave the baby on the sofa for a minute, but when she came back she found he’d gone to sleep on his own. So we tried a little experiment. Whenever baby was getting tired we swaddled him, wrapping him up tightly in a blanket with his arms by his sides and setting him down. It’s amazing how quickly he’s got used to this and how easily he now goes to sleep.

It’s certainly better than presevering with soothing him and getting more agitated the angrier he gets, which was terrible and left both of us emotionally shattered. The one thing to be careful of, though is keeping baby on his back. There’s a danger if he’s on his side that he might roll over onto his face.

Saturday, January 21st, 2006 // Family Life

Consider this post an open letter to the customers of the Sainsbury’s restaurant at Forestside in Belfast on Saturday.

The family had just popped in for a quick bite while we decided what to do for the rest of the day. We were all in mostly good spirits and ready for a good feed, but it was perilously past Jay’s nap-time and he hadn’t slept in the car.

The Rage

As we ushered the kids into Forestside, Jay took a hissy fit because we were guiding him past a guy in a rabbit costume. He wanted to stop. We wanted food. So, as the adults in the group, we overruled him and started to move forward. That’s when the tantrum began in earnest.

He threw himself on the ground, did the kicking and screaming thing, so I let him be for a moment. Knowing that he’s usually fairly agreeable and expecting him to calm down quite quickly. After a minute or so, I picked him up and we moved toward the restaurant, Jay still grumbling and shouting. We manage to place our order and head off to sit down.

No. Jay didn’t want to sit down, he didn’t want to sit in the pram, and he didn’t want to be carried. And he didn’t want to do any of this in THE LOUDEST VOICE POSSIBLE! I tried restraining him, making him sit on a seat, but he got much worse.

The Outrage

Can I tell you something, though? Worse than the nastiness of this tantrum was the sense of utter embarrassment, the unashamed hostility of our fellow diners. Evil glances from old women, cast in our direction, but not brave enough to make eye contact or offer sympathy. Nope, no kindly looks or friendly nods today.

As I wrestled Jay back to the car to calm down, I was still raging at the biddies and - bizarrely - other families who were visibly irritated by our presence.

Are we the only family to have ever suffered an embarrassing public tantrum? When I see folk struggling with their kids in shopping centres, I feel their pain. I know their kid doesn’t want to be dragged around the shops, and nor does the parent. But shopping is a necessity, and children need to learn that sometimes we have to do boring stuff.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that the next time you see a parent dealing with a tantrum, try and empathise. Chances are you’ve been there before or you’ll be there one day. Then either mind your own business or give them a sympathetic smile.

Friday, January 13th, 2006 // Family Life

I’ve been feeling a little bit under the weather lately, folks. Been forced to use up my holiday leave before the end of the year, so I took a lot of time off work this last couple of weeks.

The problem is, this messes up my routine completely. I instantly got sick, and haven’t been feeling on top of things ever since. Being sick with kids is terrible - no exaggeration. Before the kids, I could take the day off and relax, watch a DVD and recover. These days the family steamroller doesn’t stop for sickness, which is depressing because it seems to last forever.

Both the missus and I are at such a low ebb at the moment, and nothing seems to perk us up. We’re permanently tired, it seems and at the moment quite irritable with the children. You know you’re making a mess of it when the kids start getting irritable back at you. Ray, in particular, has been letting us know how frustrated she is with us. It’s hard to admit, but she’s learning that from us.

You’re Not Alone

I found some solidarity this afternoon at The Reign Of Ellen. In particular, she’s tapped into some of the feelings of inadequacy we as parents get from time to time. The fallout from this is apathy (Ellen says laziness), negativity, insecurity and irritability.

I am lazy. Actually I don’t think that’s totally true. I feel like I am busy from morning til night, piddling around on projects and such. That’s not lazy. I’m never sitting around eating bon-bons. However, when it comes to the non-fun stuff (ironing, cooking, cleaning), I lose all my energy. I walk in to the kitchen to make dinner, and my mind goes fuzzy. It just seems like too much effort to think about it. So I don’t. We go get nasty fast food.

This is the Levee household circa December 2005. If I sit down for a moment I will fall asleep. Narcolepsy rules when I’m stressed….

I don’t want to paint a negative picture for people, but this is the sometime reality of parenting. It’s burnout, pure and simple. Some people handle it better than others. It takes me a while to recognise when I’m floundering and actually do something about it. Left to fester, however, this kind of fatigue can develop into really bad parenting habits, and that ain’t good!

Lifting The Spirits

Sometimes the children provide a moment of clarity. I’ll get a spontaneous hug, or maybe a sudden “Love you, Daddy” and the priorities come into sharp focus. Family comes first.

Sometimes you have to sit back and recognise that you’re burning the candle at both ends and you need to slow things down. Get some sleep. Get organised. Eat better - that junk food cycle is a real killer!

Monday, December 19th, 2005 // Family Life