Vasectomy

I’m sure you guys are getting sick of the vasectomy posting at the moment, but it’s probably the biggest thing going on in my life right now.

Well, today was mostly a lot of sitting around the ward waiting for my turn. The staff at the hospital were extremely friendly and sensitive. Having said that, the first thing the consultant told me when we met was “Now, this procedure is easily reversible.” I took pains to explain that I wouldn’t be here if I wanted to reverse the process, but he seemed to feel this was vital information anyway.

In the mid-morning, I was wheeled into the theatre and positioned underneath the big light in the middle of the room. I noticed the radio playing I Don’t Feel Like Dancing in the background, but it wasn’t until later that the irony of the Scissor Sisters playing while I got ‘the snip’ hit me.

Being a squeamish sort, I decided to go for general anaesthetic, but I was harbouring heroic visions of resisting sleep. Ha! I was out like a light in seconds! Half-an-hour later I woke up with a stinging, warm sensation in my groin, and was wheeled back to the ward for rest and a bite to eat.

Now, in the wee small hours, I’m still a bit woozy from the anaesthetic, but otherwise fine. Not so much pain at the moment, although I’ve heard day 2 can be more painful!

Anyway, after 18 months of waiting, that’s it done. No regrets, but then I have to submit two samples in February and March to verify that the vasectomy worked. Can’t wait.

Has anyone else gone through a vasectomy? I’d love to hear your experiences.

Saturday, November 11th, 2006 // Family Life

Well lads and lassies, as of this Friday, my baby-making equipment will be put absolutely and verifiably beyond use.

Sinn Fein are calling my act of decommissioning an historic event in Irish history, while the DUP are typically cynical of the move and want to watch every last ounce (ewww) be deposited in a concrete bunker. Pervs.

Anyway, I got a call to tell me that there’s been a cancellation, asking if I wanted to come in for the vasectomy on Friday. “Absolutely” said I, with glee.

People I speak to about the vasectomy usually wince and act like it’s something to be afraid of, but personally I’m looking forward to it! Until now, the equation went:

Unprotected Sex = Good times + Chance of babies

In a few short months, unprotected sex will only mean “Good Times”. Well, hopefully…

The only bizarre concern that I have is if it’ll alter me in any way. I’d hate to get the operation and find that my libido takes a nose-dive! Other than that, bring it on. A weekend of pain for a lifetime of shagging without Johnny Rubbers!

Wednesday, November 8th, 2006 // Family Life

When this blog started way back in 2004, one of the reasons was that we’d (me and the missus) discovered that we were expecting another baby. Our third, and a complete surprise, as we’d been very careful not to invoke a third child.

Needless to say, we’re almost two years down the line and baby’s on his feet already, yet the vasectomy I’d requested has still not been done.

My last post about getting a vasectomy was well over a year ago, at which point I was considering paying for the necessary surgery. Well, we just couldn’t afford that, so we were extra extra careful.

Anyway, I went to my doctor about a month ago to try and move this ridiculously slow process on. Shortly afterward I got an appointment to see the consultant. That appointment was today.

Firstly, if you’re married or in a relationship, you can’t have one of these appointments without your wife or partner in attendance. Apparently they might want more babies, so they have to give their blessing to the vasectomy party procedure. Let me tell you, Mrs Levee was only too happy to agree!

Secondly, the appointment is unexpectedly short. The consultant went over the details of the vasectomy with me, even into the idiot-proof details like “the object of this is to render you permanently sterile”. Well, yipee! Sign me up!

Luckily, they seemed to recognise that the appointment had taken forever and told us that the procedure would be done within the next six weeks. After that, you’re advised to keep wearing the rubber johnnies until they’ve tested for the presence of sperm. They do that at three months and agains at four. If you get a clean report, your nappy changing days are over. Hooray!

The only question remaining: local or general anaesthetic? Take your pick.

Thursday, October 19th, 2006 // Family Life

I had a wee meeting with my GP recently, to see what could be done about the year-long waiting list for a vasectomy consultation. Depressing news from the snip front - they cannot influence the timing except possibly in extreme cases.

Alright, so we’re starting to panic here - baby #3 is due in 4-5 weeks and I’m just a ticking spermbomb waiting to go off….

“So, Doctor, how can we move this along?” I asked, considering bribery among my options.

“Er, well you could try phoning around some of the local hospital’s surgical departments. If their waiting lists are shorter, we could consider writing a referral to those instead.” was the reply. “Alternatively, you could consider having it done privately.”

So, on Wednesday I began Operation Get A Quick Snip in the hope of getting a vasectomy sooner!

Option #1: Join The NHS Vasectomy Queue

I phoned the Royal Victoria Hospital and Lagan Valley Hospital to enquire about waiting lists for vasectomy procedures. The staff in surgical at The Royal were unavailable, so I called Lagan Valley. A very helpful lady there explained that they had two consultants and another one starting shortly. They were working to clear a backlog from 2003 at a rate of 2-3 patients per week. The receptionist was reluctant to predict whether the wait would be less than a year, and said it was uncertain how long the consultants would be staying for.

Basic result: You’re welcome to submit a referral, but don’t hold your breath. . .

Option #2: Pay For Your Own Snip

How refreshing speaking to a private hospital. The staff are so much less indifferent to your plight. After drawing a blank with the NHS, I called the Ulster Independent Clinic. After initially explaining my circumstances, I was put through to a nice lady who talked me through the options for the consultancy, the procedure and the aftercare.

Of course, all this polite attention comes at a price: The initial consultation would be approximately ?150.00. The operation would be either ?500.00 using a local anasthetic or ?1000+ with a general anasthetic. There was also an additional charge for a check-up afterward to determine if the operation has been successful.

Basic result: Will that be credit card or cheque, sir?

Option #3: The Home Improvement Method

With so much information and technical diagrams available on the Internet today, might have a stab (ouch) at DIY surgery! Only joking!

Friday, July 29th, 2005 // Family Life

Since I posted my original note about deciding on a vasectomy, I still hadn’t heard back from the hospital about the initial consultation that would get the ball rolling (ouch!).

Mrs Levee made a quick call to our GP yesterday morning to find out what was going on, why we hadn’t heard. The very candid response was that there’s a year’s waiting list just for the consultation never mind the operation.

While I should be glad that this delays the process, I’m a little worried. I’m just walking around with a loaded gun here! Think of the damage I could do with this thing!

Well, I must persue this to see if we can move things on a little faster. If a vasectomy is a simple outpatient procedure, how many operations will take place before I get mine? Is every male in Northern Ireland going to be snipped before me?

Tuesday, July 19th, 2005 // Family Life

Well, I’ve taken the first step on my vasectomy ‘adventure’! On 14 April, I visited my doctor to enquire about the procedure.

There wasn’t much discussion, to be honest. I explained to the doc that we were expecting our third child, and that we wanted to ensure that we had no more children after this one.

Anyway, their (the Health Service’s) main concerns are that I’m under 30(why?) and that we may change our minds if anything were to go wrong with the pregnancy. Since the pregnancy wasn’t planned, we wouldn’t be trying again if something went wrong. We’ll love this one as much as our other two, of course we will, but it was never our intention to have three kids. The timing won’t matter so much, because the waiting list for vasectomies is so long that baby #3 will be born by the time I have the procedure carried out.

So, our local GP thrust some notes on the procedure to me, complete with gory cross-section diagram. I won’t go into the details, you can find out more about vasectomies here. The local hospital will contact me shortly, and we will probably have the procedure explained in more detail by a surgeon before confirming whether or not to proceed.

The very thought of the procedure still makes me cross my legs. I don’t know if I could manage it under local anesthetic without faiting! Time will tell.

Wednesday, April 27th, 2005 // Family Life